Cafe Du Matin

All life is here…

I spy (#2)

*In the car*

Mum: “I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with ‘T'”

Bert: “Trumpet!”

Mum: “Where, for heaven’s sake?!”

Bert: “Trump?”

Mum: “You can’t see them…”

… pause …

Bert: “I smell something beginning with ‘P'”



I spy…

*In the car*

Mum: “I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with ‘R'”

Bertie: “Rampage.”


Wilf: “When I was little, I thought I knew what BLT stood for…”

Mum: “Really? What?”

Wilf: “Breakfast, Lunch and Tea…
But I did wonder how they could fit it all into that one sandwich.”


Bertie, about to get into the bath: “Mum… I’m not sure I’m going to be able to drive to the supermarkets when I’m older…”

Mum: “Really? Why not?”

Bertie: “‘Cause I don’t know where they are…”

Too clever by half

Scene: Teddy has usurped his father’s position in the bed during a temporary absence.

Daddy (sitting in front of him and assuming a mock-serious air): “Ahem… Excuse me…?” *holds up two fingers* “Two things. One:”

Teddy (without missing a beat): “Two.”

How washable is ‘washable’?

Mum: “Sweetheart? Could you just have a look at him and check we don’t need to take those pens away?”

Dad: “Erm… darling? Erm… We definitely do…”


The horror….!

Humph (14. Panicked): “Mum! There’s a moth in our room!”

Mum: “Okay….?”

Humph: “It’s going to eat our clothes!”

Tall Tales


Arthur (spying a hot air balloon): “What’s a virgin?”
Mum: “It’s someone who…”
Arthur: “hasn’t had sex?”
Mum: “Exactly.”
Arthur: “So when you lose your virginity, it means…”
Mum: “you’ve had..”
Arthur: “sex?”
Mum: “Exactly.”
Arthur: “My friend says he’s lost his fifteen and a half times.”


With unerring accuracy, Tigger sailed over the banisters, flew down the two flights of stairs, bounced off a step and landed plum in the bucket of dirty water abandoned in the stairwell…


Wrap me around your little finger…

A text message exchange


Dad: “The moment I walked into the sitting room, Teddy: ‘I want bacon!'”


Mum: “Little monkey! He’s just had a ham sandwich! 🙂 ”


Dad: “He’s eating bacon now.”