Cafe Du Matin

All life is here…

Category: Teddy

That escalated quickly…

Mum: “Teddy! Your ipad is too loud! Turn it down!”

Teddy: “Grrrrr! No!”

Mum: “Then take it in the sitting room!”

Teddy: “No! I’m not going! I’m not going, Mum! I hate people…. ALL people!”

Not an option.

Breakfast time.

Explaining the options to Teddy, who has already demanded chocolate cake.

Mum, holding Teddy’s thumb as option 1: “You can have toast and jam, or… [takes his index finger] porridge.”

Teddy (quick as a flash): “Or [holds up middle finger] ice cream.”

Put it down

Toothpaste is not a snack.

Too clever by half

Scene: Teddy has usurped his father’s position in the bed during a temporary absence.

Daddy (sitting in front of him and assuming a mock-serious air): “Ahem… Excuse me…?” *holds up two fingers* “Two things. One:”

Teddy (without missing a beat): “Two.”

How washable is ‘washable’?

Mum: “Sweetheart? Could you just have a look at him and check we don’t need to take those pens away?”

Dad: “Erm… darling? Erm… We definitely do…”

washable

Shot!

With unerring accuracy, Tigger sailed over the banisters, flew down the two flights of stairs, bounced off a step and landed plum in the bucket of dirty water abandoned in the stairwell…

“Ted!!?!”

Wrap me around your little finger…

A text message exchange

13:05

Dad: “The moment I walked into the sitting room, Teddy: ‘I want bacon!'”

13:07

Mum: “Little monkey! He’s just had a ham sandwich! 🙂 ”

13:18

Dad: “He’s eating bacon now.”

Word Association

Mum: “Teddy?”

*silence*

Mum: “Teddy? Can you say happy birthday?”

*silence*

Mum: “Teddy? Can you say happy birthday mummy?”

*pause*

Teddy: “I want cake!”

Where to stop…

Teddy (3. Autistic. Not very verbal): “It’s a penguin!”

Mum: “Yes!”

Teddy: “It’s a dolphin!”

Mum: “Yes!”

Teddy: “It’s a hippopopopoptymoos!”

Drowned

Scene: Sunday morning, some watching tv, one at a sleepover, Dad making tea and toast, Mum in bed.

*sound of inexpert loo-flushing*

Mum (muttering): “Oh god… (calls, panic rising) Teddy?!”

*rushes to bathroom, usually locked and off limits*

Teddy (hand still on flush): “Goodbye, elephant.”