by Alice

The scene:

Wilf and Bert eating pasta and meatballs. Mum shovelling same into Ted, Arthur washing up and Humph peeling potatoes.

A potato bounces off Mum’s elbow.

Mum: “Did you just throw a potato at me?!”

Humph: “Well, I have to try and off you somehow!”

Mum: “Death by potato?”

Humph: “Haven’t you heard of Death by Potato?”

Mum: “Is that what they did before stones? Potatoing predates stoning?”

Humph: “Yes. Potatoes used to be much harder than stones. So people used to be potatoed. It was a predominantly Irish tradition…”

Mum: “Until the Great Potato Famine?”

Humph, nodding sagely: “Why, yes.”