Cafe Du Matin

All life is here…

Month: July, 2014

Too clever by half

Scene: Teddy has usurped his father’s position in the bed during a temporary absence.

Daddy (sitting in front of him and assuming a mock-serious air): “Ahem… Excuse me…?” *holds up two fingers* “Two things. One:”

Teddy (without missing a beat): “Two.”

How washable is ‘washable’?

Mum: “Sweetheart? Could you just have a look at him and check we don’t need to take those pens away?”

Dad: “Erm… darling? Erm… We definitely do…”

washable

The horror….!

Humph (14. Panicked): “Mum! There’s a moth in our room!”

Mum: “Okay….?”

Humph: “It’s going to eat our clothes!”

Tall Tales

Balloon

Arthur (spying a hot air balloon): “What’s a virgin?”
Mum: “It’s someone who…”
Arthur: “hasn’t had sex?”
Mum: “Exactly.”
Arthur: “So when you lose your virginity, it means…”
Mum: “you’ve had..”
Arthur: “sex?”
Mum: “Exactly.”
Arthur: “My friend says he’s lost his fifteen and a half times.”

Shot!

With unerring accuracy, Tigger sailed over the banisters, flew down the two flights of stairs, bounced off a step and landed plum in the bucket of dirty water abandoned in the stairwell…

“Ted!!?!”

Wrap me around your little finger…

A text message exchange

13:05

Dad: “The moment I walked into the sitting room, Teddy: ‘I want bacon!'”

13:07

Mum: “Little monkey! He’s just had a ham sandwich! 🙂 ”

13:18

Dad: “He’s eating bacon now.”

Evolution…

Bert, nonchalantly brandishing massive pair of binoculars: “Mum? Do you merember when I was too little to lift these binockliers what Jem gave me?”

Mum: “I do!”

Bert (sashays from the room holding them by only one finger): “Well, look at me now…”

Word Association

Mum: “Teddy?”

*silence*

Mum: “Teddy? Can you say happy birthday?”

*silence*

Mum: “Teddy? Can you say happy birthday mummy?”

*pause*

Teddy: “I want cake!”

Love Conquers All

Bert: “Mum? When I’m a grown-up… how will I find Naomi again?”