Cafe Du Matin

All life is here…

Month: June, 2014

Where to stop…

Teddy (3. Autistic. Not very verbal): “It’s a penguin!”

Mum: “Yes!”

Teddy: “It’s a dolphin!”

Mum: “Yes!”

Teddy: “It’s a hippopopopoptymoos!”

Here’s MY guess…

Bertie: “Mum? Wilf wants to know what a Separatist is… Is it someone who wants to do the work on their own?”

Too Clever?

Humph: “Can I borrow your tape measure?”

Dad: “Sure. Why?”

Humph: “I need to work out the size of my monitor. I’m going to measure the height and the width and then square them individually. Then I’m going to add them together, and find the square root of the sum. That’s the diagonal.”

Dad: “Why don’t you just measure the diagonal?”

Humph: “…”

Happy Delusions

Bertie: “Mum, how come you’re so magic?”

Mum: “I am? How?!”

Bertie: “Well, the other day, you said it was going to rain. And Wilfy didn’t take his coat…

… so I didn’t either…

… and it rained!”

 

Smartass

Mum (calling): “Arthur!”

Arthur (distant): “Yes?”

Mum (half calling, half muttering): “No, come here when I call you. Don’t just say ‘yes’ from another room… *sigh* How many times do I have to say the same thing? *sigh* And people say I have bright kids.”

Humph: “People say you have bright kids… Not kids with common sense.”

Well, that’s that then.

Mum: “So, did you and Jack sort it out?”

Bertie: “Sort what out?”

Mum: “Who’s marrying who?”

Bertie (immediately and very matter-of-fact): “Oh yes. Jack’s going to marry Ebonie. And I’m going to marry a stranger when I grow up.”

Owned

Bertie: “Mum? What does that red light do?”

Mum: “Nothing. It just shows that the power is on.”

Bertie: “So, it does do something.”

The Power of Attraction

Driving home from school.

Arthur: “I don’t know what I do to attract the girls… I’m like a magnet.”

Lessons in Exaggeration

Overheard behind a bedroom door at 6:30 this morning:

Wilf:
“Bertie, shut the door.
Bertie, shut the door.
Bertie, shut the door.
Bertie, shut the door.
Bertie, shut the door.
Bertie, shut the door.
Bertie, shut the door.
Bertie, shut the door.”

Bertie:
“Stop saying that!”

Wilf:
“I haven’t said it a million times yet. A million times is MUCH more than that!”

Joy

In the Post Office, waiting in the queue, laden with parcels.

One of the clerks: “It’s Alice!”

Me, laughing: “Once more with joy!”

(We have a long-running joke that they look busy when I come in with tons of orders).

A little voice pipes up.

I look around.

No one.

The voice again.

A hand tugs my dress.

I look down.

Small, adorable Chinese girl as high as my knee, looking up at me:

“My name’s Joy!”